Hello Loveawake: What do you think about wives taking pictures of themselves for their husbands, to let them know what they have? Or is this asking for trouble? I happened to find out that my husband had recently looked at several revealing pictures of women on an internet auction. So I confronted him about it and I feel we're ok as long as it's not something that happens again. I should have emailed you then, to see why guys do that and how we should handle it. That was not his nature at all but they weren't horrible pictures either, even though it really hurt me that he saw what he saw and didn't come to me for it. Well, I'm quite interested to know how you feel about all this. Thanks, your student. - Jennifer
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Dear Jennifer: The Internet is addicting and men have to use a lot of self-control to stay away from it. There is so much spam going on now and adult sites are sending unsolicited material right to everyone's email address. Many men cannot help but take a peek and before they know it, they are hooked. I am getting so many emails now from women who have caught their husbands spending time on online dating site sites. Ages ago, a man had to resort to going into a "sleazy" store in an undesirable part of town to buy an adult video. Then, when video stores became main stream, they kept the adult movies out of site, in the back of the store. The fear of someone seeing you was enough to prevent most married men from renting that type of video. Now, in the privacy of your home, it is difficult for men to stay away and understand why it hurts their partner so much. They don't consider it cheating and most women do.
Most men enjoy looking at beautiful women and get pleasure out of seeing them in magazines and on the Internet. However, once a man falls in love and gets married, he has more than himself to consider. My definition of true love is, "When someone else's happiness and well-being is just as important as your own." Hopefully, now that you have now told him how unhappy his behavior made you feel, he'll respect that. I know he wouldn't be very happy if you were viewing the same thing with men online. The truth is that if he continues this behavior, you will turn into an angry, cold, bitter and unresponsive woman.
A mature and loving man knows that he has to sacrifice certain things for the sake of a marriage. When you become parents there are even more sacrifices for the sake of the children. You may want to "party" till 4:00 a.m. but, if you are a responsible and loving parent, you know that your child needs you to be alert the next day, so you don't! If looking at naked women hurts your partner, then you simply control your impulses and don't do it!
I think taking the glamour shots or what they call "boudoir photography" is a great idea. It's a wonderful experience. You'll be shocked at how classy and sexy you'll look. You can present it to your husband with a cute note that says, "For Your Eyes Only." - Dr. Ellen